Per David Stern's trainwreck press conference Friday, I and 15 of my closest friends who answered the craigslist add to buy percentage stake in the Warriors will hopefully take over ownership of the team sometime this coming week but probably not in time for the season opener Wednesday. That's OK, because now that game will be attended by NO ONE as the Giants begin the World Series across the bay, where we hope to break ground on our new arena just as soon as Magic Johnson closes his last Starbucks shop and secures the financing we can't after maxing out our NBA credit card at $150 million.
We gave Cohan free courtside/owner's seats for life in honor of his service and title transfer acumen. We gave his pet squirrel Robert Rowell a contract extension. Cohan may be off the office premises for good any day now though. Just wait. All we ask for is more patience from you.
Lockout.
Jeremy Lin.
Signed,
The Management
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You effing traitors.
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