Sure, you know the Warriors suck.
But do you know just how much they suck?
I'll compare the first 30 games of this year with all of last year, amounting to a comprehensive study of the highest caliber. No stone left unturned. Extrapolate strong conclusions accordingly. I have: We fucking suck but we weren't exactly hot shit last year, either. Instead of "Best team to miss the playoffs ever," the more accurate title might be "Worst team to win 48 games ever." Someone with a math degree, look into that. I'm sure I'm right.
Last year, the Warriors finished 21-20 on the road and 28-24 (.539) against Western Conference opponents. 8 teams in the West fared better in-conference. Yes, those same exact teams made the playoffs, the Warriors did not. The Warriors got a lot of mileage out of whining about conference imbalance, and their record-padding 20-10 mark against the East (.666?) certainly suggests they knew as well as anyone that Eastern competition made for fine target practice. Only SIX Western teams managed to do the same as or better than the Warriors against the Eastern patsies. But clearly, the Warriors put the work in and deserved a playoff berth.
Now, the winning record on the road is a big deal. That's not a Warriors trend. In fact, they were 12-29 on the road in the We Believe! era (2006-07). That same year, they were 14-16 against the East. Obviously, relying on conference imbalance to hock next year's season tickets is wise practice. Very strong trend to bank faith on. Comcast, print some shirts for that.
The Warriors are currently trolling the NBA gutter having gone 3-14 against Eastern opponents through their first 30 games and doing comparatively well against the West (5-8). Of course, 4 of those 5 Western wins were against powerhouse NW Division opponents either missing key players in the waking hours of the season (Oden, Billups, what have you) or missing NBA credibility outright (Minnesota in OT!, Oklahoma City). That's the only division against which the Warriors have, 1. a winning record, and 2. more than 1 win.
So half the Warriors wins are bullshit right off the bat. Never mind that the other Western teams we played weren't exactly the shit, either. We lost twice to Memphis for gods' sake. Sacramento?! The other teams we've beaten were New Jersey- that WON'T happen again- Charlotte, Milwaukee, and the fucking Clippers. We've got an 8-22 record with a SOS of only .491, 18th in the league and well behind Indiana's INSANE .564 SOS. SOS ain't the greatest stat but it is important that absolutely NO ONE with a weaker SOS has a worse record than us and, in fact, the Wizards have had a really tough run besides the turmoil and injuries.
Whatever, the Warriors just suck. Math not really necessary.
But I needed something to do.
The point is, the usual excuses Bob Shitzgerald and the Homer Bandwagon toolz the Warriors love to exploit with ticket packages and bobblehead madness won't cut it this year. The PR Squad has really got to step up their game to polish this glorious turd. The tank for a Euro Trash point guard who won't be in the draft this year because he fucking sucks due to "injury," the Next Great Bigman Bust, or the #1 pick who will be a poor man's Carlos Boozer but we'll never get our crack at, is retarded. It doesn't matter if you pick 2 or 15 this year, the talent just isn't there to warrant position jockeying.
So whatever it is Nellie thinks he's doing with the rotations and the decision-making, it needs to just stop. We've established that we can be fucking terrible with him dominating every single game and every single young player. Our only excuse is the Monta Ellis injury but Maggette, Jackson, and the D League Five do not help anything and Marco will be shit the moment the ball is permanently taken out of his hands by the 10 better players on the roster. We sucked ass before It Ain't Me and Bad Porn went down, Crawford is one of the streakiest chuckers in the league, and we don't play defense or big men with any sort of intelligence.
We just fucking suck.
So stop attending these shit fests. Show the management you're on to them and, even though we know they're here to rake in dough, it won't be ours until they stop insulting our (my) intelligence. Because we suck more than ever for no good reason and it all originates off the court. That's the worst possible NBA scenario imaginable.